...we don't bite.

-- Saturday, November 30 --

[a discussion about death here]
'...everything depresses me, but too much practice made me immune. no matter how pissed off i am, i always manage to laugh and smile. and act normal u know...'
'stop being so depressing. u always make me feel depressed... i know u dont mean to, but, can u atleast promise me u wont kill yourself?'
'no, i cant...'
'promise me...'
'i dont want to end up breaking a promise... specially u. u know...'
'id rather have u lie to me than u making me worry every single day, and thinking of you, if id still get to talk to you... if you'd come home alive, or... god u scare me... and u make me cry... and u make me wanna do stupid things... i have to hate u but i dont...'
'sad having a friend like me huh?'
'damn it dette... next time i call, i wont talk... and i'd stay on the phone for hours just to hear u breathing and so i know ur still alive and i atleast kept u alive longer...'
'and waste a damn shit load of money?'
'no... i dont care. im serious. does it make u happy? making me miserable? if it does, maybe i should let u know that its working... u never get what i say... u dont listen...'
'i do listen...'
'i never do call when u say u would... u never believe me when i say i love you... dette, what's not to love? come on. listen.. stop talking like that. ur scaring me...'
'i'd stop scaring you, promise.'
'does that mean u wont do it?'
'not now.'
why do u always say that??? god. that's never an assurance. can u atleast say i wont?'
'no.'
'god it scares me how i love you...'
'ahh ur being mushy...'
'i'll call k?'
'no i'll call.'

mused dettie at 10:35 PM [+]
...

EVERYONE: yes, the sx staff had the ftp stuff done. now, all i need is a decent layout, and all the coding and things... im planning on making the first layout with bandmember pictures. [ergo; nick, jason, robert, kari, me, ash and mc] so, i need digi-fotos of everyone, and i'll use them as the site's main design mostly. [and yes i'd edit it...] so far im still trying to mush all the new information in my head, and you hafta remind me to check out webdesign books at the library tom. ty much. im tired. my host is over cool tho, it shouldve taken me 2 weeks of wait, but he emailed me back after several minutes... then now i have my ftp set!!!! so, tomorrow is the horse day with santa... and mc's celebrating her first paycheck... im happy for u my friend! **hug**

i'm trying to move my personal blog right away. if things dont screw up on me, it should work now [just so you know, it still isnt working, and i think i just lost myself a blog. u.u] well, that's wat i decided i should do since i cant update it all in all yet. i mean, with my internet getting cut off sometime soon and all. my mom has been threatening me with it, and i bet its some sort of an omen. i'd be cut off soon. meaning, i need discs, to save html files and images. u.u the band site will be hard work. and i need to finish my art stuff. and ash, we need to finish the math.
mused dettie at 8:16 PM [+]
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...i've begged most of the webdesigners i know to help out with teh band site.
mused dettie at 9:30 AM [+]
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lidevil99: hi about yester day i wasnt me typing to u guys it was ashley. She kept taking the keyboard a way and typing rude things. Im really sorry about yesterday and i thought we were just jking around and i didn't mean to say anything rude. Im really sorry and i hope u can forgive me for the things ashley did
dette: so it wasnt u?
lidevil99: no it was all ashley
lidevil99: and now shes mad at me
dette: y?
dette: cause ur telling me that it was all her?
lidevil99: ya
lidevil99: she doesn't even reeally like u guys
dette: ok let me get this straight... cause im still pretty pissed. u told her that ur gonna tell me what really happened?
dette: and she got mad at u?
dette: well damn her
dette: u can tell her i didnt like her anyway
dette: so tell her that she cant think i had a loss... cause we planned to ditch her anyway
dette: well acctually both of u
dette: i was just so angry yesterday
dette: but its ok now
dette: with u atleast
lidevil99: ok
lidevil99: no
lidevil99: shes pissed off at me because i wouldn't tell jesse that she was mad at him.
lidevil99: she is a bitch
lidevil99: and i really hate her right now
dette: ...
dette: aaah i hate her
dette: who the hell is jesse?
lidevil99: jesse annoying kid with the big poofy yellow jacket
dette: oh
dette: the guy in english with us?
dette: with the glasses
dette: i think
lidevil99: ya
lidevil99: where r u
dette: desktop lab
lidevil99: oh
lidevil99: well u know that kid that always hangs around us
lidevil99: thats him
dette: oh
lidevil99: ya
lidevil99: very annoying
dette: hahaha
dette: well
dette: he doesnt bug me
dette: so i dont care
lidevil99: oh ok
dette: why is that ashley bitch mad at him?
lidevil99: i dont know
dette: ...
dette: ah typical bitchy thing to do.
lidevil99: ya
lidevil99: cause thats what she is
dette: u guessed it.
dette: damn bitch
lidevil99: ya
lidevil99: a fucking bitch more like it
dette: hahahaha
dette: ya~
lidevil99: can u tell miranda what happened
dette: k
lidevil99: thanks
dette: no worries
lidevil99: i dont want more people being mad at me
dette: ...
dette: ya you wouldnt want that
dette: but in my case its all good
dette: no worries
lidevil99: thanks
dette: ^^
lidevil99: <(^_^)>
mused dettie at 10:04 AM [+]
...

uh no title
--nameless

verse1?
I'm glad I got to see what you people really are!
You think that you're some sort of a 'little miss popular'
Well guess what? Just suck it up! If I were you I wont go that far...
But I guess we're plain too different, and at that I declare an all out war!

pre-chorus?
Nobody understands me!
So don't dare pretend you do.
Assumptions can be bad, you wont know where it'll lead you!
So don't assume I'd grieve a loss if you start ditching me....
Your mere presence I detest and you faces disgust me!

chorus?
So don't think I'd come runnin' into your arms
After we go our separate ways...
And passing days reveal your ways~
Just dont think I'd come beggin' for your poser charms~
Just so you know you're not that great~
You're just some prep that I so hate... [some prep that WE all hate!]

verse2?
One day your true colors showed out of the blue.
And that was good, for none of us never had the slightest clue.
Well, guess what? We dont want to be anywhere near you.'
And no worries, for that much I know is true.

Nobody understands me!
So don't dare pretend you do.
Assumptions can be bad, you wont know where it'll lead you!
So don't assume I'd grieve a loss if you start ditching me....
You're your mere presence I detest and you faces disgusts me!

So don't think I'd come runnin' into your arms.
After we go our separate ways...
And passing days reveal your ways~
Just dont think I'd come beggin' for your poser charms~
Just so you know you're not that great~
You're just some prep that I so hate... [some prep! a hateful prep!]

bridge?
So I guess I owe you a 'thank you.'
You gave me a new point of view.
Now I've learnt to trust nobody, for they tend to be untrue
Now go away~ so far away~ For I dont know what I could do.
I'm just a mercenary hired to kill annoying preps like you!

fade?
So don't think I'd come runnin' into your arms.
After we go our separate ways...
And passing days reveal your ways~
Just dont think I'd come beggin' for your poser charms~
Just so you know you're not that great~
You're just some prep that I so hate...


mused dettie at 9:14 AM [+]
...

Somewhere Down in Fullerton
--Allister
Verse 1:
Somewhere down in Fullerton, well there's a place we used to go to get away from it all.
Somewhere down in Fullerton, well there's a place we used to go to get away from it all!

Pre Chorus:
But I'm still tryin' to figure out why it feels so wrong when it felt so right.
It felt so right four years ago.

Chorus:
So please dont go away.
Won't this feeling stay with me forever?
'Forever!' I said.
Please don't go away, I just want you to stay with me forever.

Verse 2:
Somewhere down in Fullerton, well there's a place that meant so much to everybody like me.
Somewhere down in Fullerton, well there's a place that meant the world to everybody like me!

Pre Chorus:
Well I'm still tryin' to figure out why it feels so wrong when it felt so right.
It felt so right four years ago.

Chorus:
So please don't go away.
Wont this feeling stay with me forever?
'Forever!' I said.
Please don't go away, I just want you to stay with me forever.

Pre Chorus:
Well I'm still tryin' to figure out why it feels so wrong when it felt so right.
It felt so right four years ago.

Chorus:
So please dont go away.
Wont this feeling stay with me forever?
'Forever!' I said.
Please dont go away, I just want you to stay with me forever.

'Forever!' I said.
Please dont go away, I just want you to stay with me forever.
(Fade) With me....


Which Southpark Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

mused dettie at 10:32 PM [+]
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..im here contemplating on my mercenary solitude.
mused dettie at 8:42 PM [+]
...

suicide is admitting ur not strong enough. and its main intention is to end it all.
if i wanted to solve problems, it means im worried of consequences. but sometimes, i just want it all to end. and end, has one hell of a difference from temporary merriment from a step which isnt really worth taking considering, another gust of life's shit would come, and i havent even recovered from the other one yet. if only nothing matters...
mused dettie at 8:00 PM [+]
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sometimes death is the only excape worth while.
mused dettie at 1:27 PM [+]
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...when things all come down to this.
retarded people who mess with people they think wouldnt retaliate cause theyre such wusses... they should all burn... and burst into flames.
mused dettie at 9:43 AM [+]
...

Your past life diagnosis:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I don't know how you feel about it, but you were male in your last earthly incarnation.
You were born somewhere in the territory of modern Tibet around the year 1800.
Your profession was that of a seaman, dealer, businessman or broker.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Your brief psychological profile in your past life:
Bohemian personality, mysterious, highly gifted, capable to understand ancient books. With a magician's abilities, you could have been a servant of dark forces.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:
The timid, lonely and self-confident people are everywhere, and your task is to overcome these tendencies in yourself and then to help other people.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Do you remember now?

here!!!
mused dettie at 10:03 AM [+]
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so tired. so so tired.
mused dettie at 6:04 PM [+]
...

im getting tired of the same old same old stylesheets~ i need to learn frames soon. aaaah!
mused dettie at 1:54 PM [+]
...

What Type Of Anime Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

mused dettie at 9:03 PM [+]
...

>
How can I label you?
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mused dettie at 9:32 AM [+]
...

everything seems dark again.
never ending thoughts of death
im fighting back the tears...
i'm running out of breath.
running out of time.
will i keep this up?
will i keep my rhyme?
leave me alone...
leave me be.
give me space...
i need to get this out of me.

it all started out the same today...
it's getting redundant...
what else can i say?
i kept making myself believe
there'll soon be a different way.
and i try to keep the faith...
day, by day, by day...
i try to keep control.
but unseen monsters haunt me.
they just wouldn't go away....
they just don't want to go,
it seems they want to stay.

i dragged my feet again today.
laughed, and smiled. and grinned.
i tried to feel needed today...
but my thoughts were blown off in the wind.
i did the same things again today
to everyone its perfect.
well, so they thought...
well, so i seemed.

i spoke low and shallow.
laughed hard, and smiled.
joked around, and worked hard?
how could they know i lied?
i know i'm doing better...
i know i'm doing good?
but keeping to myself...
..does that seem way unkind?
does it pay to pretend im simply not in the mood...
...maybe, somehow they wouldn't mind...

the days has been extremely bad for me.
the nights are just the same.
i lay awake; sleepless.
sleepless till the crack of dawn,
sleepless till the daylight came.
i go by the routine, seemingly lost.
getting along with the game
getting by, going on with no real aim.

i lost my temper that day.
i wanted to scream and cry.
i wanted to ask my mother...
why she adores doing this to me...
but my cries were never heard...
my questions left un said; unanswered...
i let the day go by...
and at night i lay sleepless again...
but all i did was cry...
and cry...
and cry.

one day a someone came...
and suddenly i started talking.
without a thought i let go.
going on without thinking.
and she listened to me...
never stopped me once..
but when i finished,
then she started asking.
i guess it seems hard to believe i find it hard to deal.
with the way i'm acting? everything seems unreal.

i was shocked at what i said,
and how much i might've told...
but i guess i just had to let it go...
cause i'm starting to lose hold.
friends come in different ways...
friends get realized on different days.
but a friend that comes in random
that's the friend that ussually stays.

i was asked why i dont get myself involved.
with anyone in anyway.
i dont have time for relationships...
that'll have to wait for another day.
now isn't a good time...
i have no emotion to spare...
i have no time to share.
immature people dont interest me.
and getting involved to something
with no direction would find myself
lost even more.

i wanted to scream again today.
i felt worse than i probably could take.
but i just dragged on today...
no real thoughts to taunt me.
no lingering tears to haunt me.
i was lost again.
being lost is the worst place to be.
not knowing where to end, or begin...
not knowing how to feel...
everything's shut with in.
keeping everything to myself...
screaming deep inside.
somewhere not so easily seen.

i'm sure i'd cry again tonight.
in between the waking hours of the night.
till i wipe my eyes dry as i watch the first rays of sunlight.
maybe i'd find myself asleep?
but questions would soon arise...
and my company it will keep.
haunting me in a lingering sorrow...
will i wake up tomorrow?
if i do how will it be?
will it be better than today...
will it be a day of more misery?
will i wake up one day...
and feel glad...
and feel fear for death...
instead of wishing it to come?
and feel warm inside...
instead of feeling cold...
and every turn sends no alarm...
for then i feel no harm...
and the place i'm in would be a memory so old...
with pages yellowed by time that passed.
and somehow i'd treasure time like gold.
and sleep well at night...
with silent secret dreams that i'd have to leave untold...
no more disturbing nightmares..
no more freas
no more...

but then again...
mused dettie at 9:20 AM [+]
...

tell me about it. im really sorry i got u in trouble miranda... really sorry... hotmail's messed up... so i cant print out my homework... dont hurt urself k? and please dont get into any trouble since ur already in one cause of me. sorry...
mused dettie at 9:29 AM [+]
...

so, as u can see, we used the blog as a chatroom. fun. but were sorry... we just had to talk, of sorts... anyways.... ah nothing.
something real funny came up yesterday. miranda and i got on the bus to the train station, and this retard was staring. really, he was!!! **koffdykeskoff** dude i laughed so hard at that. when we got to anderson, we waited for ash but she never came!!! and i remembered i have to be at my grandma's. >.< i was pissed... so ya. then on the train, there were 5 guys (of sorts) who kept looking back at us, coz we were walking behind them. they walked too slow btw. so, they would look and laugh.. almost as of secret knowing... then i moved to the other side of the platform, coz they were really walking slooow... then miraqnda followed... then one of the guys raised his arms and said 'dude, dykin' out!' then i burst out laughing! miranda didnt hear them tho... >.> its fun fooling people.

we have to go to the yearbook software tthing today. it'll be all day. >.<
mused dettie at 8:10 AM [+]
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u left...
and i got lost... so ya. oooh go see megatokyoooo~~~~ and 8-bit theater~~~
mused dettie at 9:55 AM [+]
...

dude were using this like a chat of sorts
fuuun~

mused dettie at 9:40 AM [+]
...

im here u retard! im uh... posting on the diary
u.u
mused dettie at 9:38 AM [+]
...

...if i die tomorrow.
dont feel bad or sorry.
instead feel glad.
YOU'RE FINALLY RID OF ME!

...if i die tomorrow.
dont get upset and regret the moment
if you've caused me pain
i died hating you; no use left for your lament

...if i die tomorrow.
let it be, keep it at that.
do not try to revive or bring me back.
i just want to get it over with...
i want to die hard, but i want it to be fast.

...if i die tomorrow.
leave me alone and dont cry.
that's how it was when im living
that's how it ends when i die.

...if i die tomorrow.
call all my friends and tell them i love them
dont read the notebooks ive kept.
just pile them up and burn them.

...if i die tomorrow.
maybe i wont have a sense of direction
but i wouldnt feel so lost.
maybe id lose the physical sensation
...i'd miss the feel of frost.

...if i die tomorrow.
im dead.


mused dettie at 9:18 PM [+]

...

...hmm. invited a bunch of people... wish they'd join... hah!

how was today? today was... uhm fine. dude, i wont rant here!!! that's what diaries r for!!!

anyways, math was fucked up... i was lost half the time.... and we were late. but she didnt care... oh well... the class was dead. as much as i hate to skip... that class, is just so fucked up, you'd want to skip it. damn its terrible!!!! we were late coz we went to the damn $store... and got these weird toy things for the kiddie shoe box. then i was weird when we were at zellers... barbie.. god.. i was too hungry... they literally had to drag me away... but then i decided the cereals were yummy so i stared, then finally walked out. we got decent burgers... if burgers could be decent in anyway. and we shared this large drink. i was still hungry... but oh well.

fine arts club meeting after school... it was dead.. ashley k bought fishies again... but they died. poor fishies. may they rest in peace.


dude... miranda's yumi.. hahaha!!!! i got minoru.
mused dettie at 8:40 PM [+]
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yay!

mused dettie at 7:32 PM [+]
...

You're Minoru!

You are extemely intelligent, introspective, and not very talkative.

You are haunted by your sister's death, and for awhile sought to replace her.

All too soon, you discover that people can not be replaced, no matter how much they look, sound, or act like the person you love.

Your replacement for your sister is a bittersweet joy, one that haunts you, and fills you with sadness, yet you would not lose such a precious reminder for anything.

In your spare time you like surfing the internet, and talking to other smart people like yourself online.


+ Take the Test! +


mused dettie at 8:07 PM [+]
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people should join.
mused dettie at 7:17 PM [+]
...